Once Upon a Toon by Ferris, Paul;

Long description:

SHORTLISTED FOR THE SPORTS BOOK AWARDS 2026 - SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT BOOK OF THE YEAR

'Very entertaining. A lot fun.'
HAWKSBEE AND JACOBS, TalkSPORT

'A must-read for any Newcastle fan.'
ALAN SHEARER

'A triumph... Beautifully written.'
LES FERDINAND

FASCINATING CHRONICLES OF AN UTTERLY UNIQUE LIFE IN FOOTBALL AND 18 YEARS AT NEWCASTLE UNITED.

Once Upon a Toon offers a unique perspective on life behind the scenes at one of England's most famous football clubs. No other individual has had the immense privilege of working at Newcastle United in the capacity that Paul Ferris once did: as a player between 1981 and 1986, as a physiotherapist between 1993 and 2006, and finally as a key member of Alan Shearer's management team in 2009.

This is a light-hearted, often hilarious and sometimes unbelievable retelling of the events Paul experienced and characters he encountered. His numerous, otherwise forgotten, tales from the bygone era of 1980s football include the likes of Kevin Keegan, Jack Charlton, Arthur Cox, Paul Gascoigne, Peter Beardsley, George Best and more. Ferris's chronicles from 18 years at Newcastle United also feature managers such as Graeme Souness and Sir Bobby Robson, the tumultuous 1993-2006 period and Alan Shearer's ill-fated short tenure.

If you are a Newcastle United supporter, football fan or loved The Boy on the Shed, this book is the ultimate way to revisit the club's precious glory days of football.

Table of Contents:

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Foreword by Alan Shearer
Prologue
'Just get undressed for me . . .'
Magnificent dilapidation
'What does your wife do for a living?'
Ted and Vi
My (dis)continued education
Benwell Bill
Preseason training: cheating, a bin liner and a slap
So Far Away
The secret pool
David McCreery's hair
The Kevin Keegan effect: 1982-84
A plastic pitch and a shopping trip
Superman, the squadron leader, and a very angry Irishman
The wisdom of Arthur
Meeting an idol
The man in the white coat
'Did we score that one?'
'You probably don't remember me . . .'
The Gallowgate roar
Jack Charlton, a death threat and a missing gun
George Reilly wins a fight
Once Upon a Time in America
'Is Geraldine there?'
The character and kindness of 'Zico'
Joe Harvey's knees
'Is that Spandau Ballet?'
Shearer - a Newcastle United Legend
'Divvent touch the soup . . .'
One minute you're Steve McQueen . . .
Slipping out of the back door
Walking through the front door
'I thought you drove an Aston Martin?'
The Kevin Keegan effect - 1992-97
'She is looking at him!'
The Young Ones
'D'you wanna go for a drink?'
A Newcastle United family
The bell rings for round one
The weigh-in, scissors and a trip to the post office
Maiden Castle
Poulet - la compote, a strapping and a grumpy Belgian
A waste of time . . .
Gazza and a missing passport
Substance behind the style
The versatility and timekeeping of Faustino Asprilla
The smiling assassin
The Fulwell End is always full . . .
Shear brilliance
An unhappy manager, a Christmas do and a pink tutu
The pride of Cookstown
An enthusiastic student
A Yorkshire Terrier
A Psycho mummy
Talking to Bruce Fucking Springsteen
The General
A fan in the treatment room
I Put a Spell on You
A Cup final - and a prized possession
El Gordo and El Gordito
'They don't eat the green sweets . . .'
Ruining Gazza's diet
'There's always someone with a bigger boat!'
A book signing
'Wait until you hear him sing!'
A stray testicle, a tough Geordie and a convention of nuns
A familiar voice and a kind gesture
Ruining Bobby Robson's training session
'You've changed . . .'
The Pied Piper of the Left Bank
A Man for All Seasons
Elevation
Alan Shearer or Elliot Lee?
Bono's glasses
The King of Barcelona
A dedicated superstar
An iconic celebration
The humble winner
'It's only a bit of bloody wind . . .'
'What's my name?'
One player, two managers
A date with a masseur
40
The Master Chronicler
'Are ye not the trainer for N'castle, like?'
'What will happen to Gareth?'
'Can I finish my song?""
It was over. I just didn't know it . . .
A final pilgrimage
'Run for Home'
Once upon a toon . . .